A Man Driving Down the Highway
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign. It
reads "SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 10 MILES". He pays no
attention to it and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another
sign which says "SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 5 MILES" and
thinks it over. When he drives past a third sign saying "SISTERS OF MERCY
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT", his curiosity gets the best of him and
he pulls into the drive.
On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign
next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the
bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What
may we do for you, my son?" He answers, "I saw your signs along the
highway, and was interested in possibly doing business". "Very well,
my son. Please follow me."
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun
stops at a closed door, and tells the man, "Please knock on this
door". He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a
long habit and holding a tin cup. This nun instructs, "Please place $50 in
the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway."
He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup. He trots
eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As
the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing
another small sign: 'GO IN PEACE, YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF
MERCY'.
A Man's Dog
A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of whiskey. He
proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses. The girl behind
the bar is surprised and asks: 'Can your dog perform other tricks?'. 'But of
course', the man answers, 'he can even gratify a woman'. Anxious to know more
the girl leads the man and the dog into a little room above the bar. She
undresses and full of expectation she lies down on the bed. The dogs looks at
her and does nothing. 'It's always the same thing with you!', the man then
shouts to the dog, 'I'll show you how to do it one last time'.
One fine day in the woods
A man was walking in he woods, It was a great day. Suddenly, the man hears a
rustling in the bushes. He peeks over the bush and sees a short man dressed all
in green dancing around and singing. "Holy shit" the man says
"That's a Leprechaun , I gotta grab him so I can get my three wishes."
So the man pounces on the Leprechaun and says "Gotcha, now give me my
wishes!! I want Cindy Crawford in my bed every morning, A million dollars given
to me everyday for the rest of my life, and immortality."
The Leprechaun says "Ah, Those are some hard wishes, for me to grant them
I'll need you to let me bone you up the ass!!!" The man thinks for a second
and says "All right, I'll do it for those things" SO the Leprechaun
mounts him and starts going to town. The man says, "I can't believe I'm
doing this." The Leprechaun says, "I can't believe it either" The
man replies, "You can't believe I'm actually letting you bone me too
huh?" "Not exactly," The Leprechaun says, "I just can't
believe you really think I'm a Leprechaun!!!"
Two Guys Go Golfing
There are two guys that are golfing, and both hit their balls way off into the
rough. They decide to go find their balls and meet back on the fairway later.
The first guy is pretty sure that he hit his into a big patch of buttercups, so
he goes over and starts beating through the flowers with his club. All of a
sudden, an angel comes down from heaven and tells him that he can never have
butter again for ruining one of god's beautiful creations in that manner. The
guy doesn't care and goes back to tell his friend what happened. His friend
says:
"You think that's bad? I hit my ball into the pussywillows."
Blow Job Celebration
A man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of tequila. The bartender asks,
"Why so many buddy?" The man replies, "I'm celebrating my first
blow job". The bartender says, "Well hell, congratulations, I will
give you one on the house for free." The man says, "No thank you, if
the first 6 shots don't get the taste out of my mouth one more won't make a
difference."
The Creation of a Pussy
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher, smart with wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit.
Second was carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a
hole.
Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it
without.
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee, touched it and blessed it and said it
could pee.
Last came a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it and called it
a cunt.
Gone Home
A drunk asked a bartender for a free beer. The bartender says, "If you do
25 press-ups to show you're sober, I'll pour you one." The drunk gets on
floor and starts doing press-ups. A second drunk stumbles in and says,
"Hey, I think your girlfriend has gone home."
Three Men Die and go to Heaven
there are 3 guys driving in a car, one is gay another wants to be rich, and
another wants power. They get in a car accident and all go to heaven, and God
says I will give you another chance to live if you all resist the things that
you love the most. so they are walking along the street and God decides to test
them all so as they are walking along there is a sign above a store and it says
all the power you want for free!!
The guy who wanted power runs in and poof he disappears, so the gay guy and the
guy who wants to be rich are walking along and there is a 1,000,000,000 dollar
bill lying on the ground the guy who wants to be rich leans over to pick it up
and poof... the gay guy disappears!!!
A Penguin Visits Arizona
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the
oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the
motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an
ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold
would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down
to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little
flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the
mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It
looks like you blew a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
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