Neil Armstrong
When Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his
famous one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind statement but followed
it by several remarks, usual between him, the other astronauts and Mission
Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic
remark, "Good luck Mr. Gorsky".
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet
Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or
American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the Good luck Mr.
Gorsky statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
Four years ago, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought
up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr.
Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His
friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbors' bedroom
windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up
the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.
"Oral sex? You want oral sex? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door
walks on the moon!"
A 75-Year Old Man
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor
gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample
tomorrow."
The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him
the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, first I tried
with my right hand, but nothing happened. Then I tried with my left hand, but
still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand -
nothing. Then with her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first
with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even
called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too,
but nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!"
A Farmer Buys a New Rooster
This farmer has a bunch of hens that are not producing many eggs. So one morning
he goes out and buys a young horny rooster in an effort to get his hens back
into an egg laying mood. He names him Jimmy. That first day Jimmy lays every hen
on the farm and at the end of the day the farmer finds Jimmy trying to make it
with his horse. The farmer walks over to Jimmy and says, "You've gotta slow
down or you're going to kill yourself!"
The next day Jimmy lays every hen again, and at the end of the day the farmer
finds the rooster now trying to make it with his cow. The farmer walks over to
Jimmy and says, "I told you, you better slow down or you're going to kill
yourself."
The following morning Jimmy lays every hen again, but this time, he lays all the
other farm animals as well. The farmer finds all his animals passed out from
exhaustion.
In the middle of all his animals is Jimmy, laying with his legs sticking
straight up in the air and buzzards circling over head. The farmer walks up to
Jimmy and says, "See, I told you if you didn't slow down, you'd kill
yourself." Jimmy opens one eye, looks at the farmer and says, "Shhh...
buzzards."
A Family Goes to Europe
A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude
beaches while they were there. They didn't want the son to get a distorted view
of beauty, so they told him that the men with really big dicks were really
really dumb, and that the woman with really big tits were really really dumb.
When they got to the beach they split up. Later the mother saw the son and asked
where his dad was. The boy said, "Well, the last time I saw him he was
talking to this really, really, really dumb blond, and the longer they talked
the dumber he got."
Tom and Kelly
Tom and Kelly were getting married and right before the wedding Kelly asked her
mum to get Kelly a long black sexy night gown for the honeymoon, and to iron it
and fold it and put it in the suitcase. Her mum forgot so she ran out right
after the wedding and all she found was a short pink one. She didn't have time
to fold it so she crumpled it up and threw it in the suitcase.
At the hotel tom asked Kelly to go into the bathroom to change, since he was
shy. She said ok and he said don't peek. So Kelly went in the bathroom took out
the suitcase and took out the nightie and said OH NO! ITS SHORT PINK AND
WRINKLED! and Tom said I told you not to peek!
Bronco Style
There were three guy sitting and telling each other the best way they like to
have sex. The first guy said, I like to do it sixty-nine. The second guy, said I
like to do it doggy-style. The third guy said, well I like to do it bronco
style. The to other guys were like what, what the fuck is bronco style. The
third guy says, let me tell you what bronco style is, you start out doing it
doggy-style then in the middle of doing it you lean down and whisper in her ear;
"Your sister likes it this way too", then try and hold on for eight
seconds.
A New Intern
A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital he is working in. The intern
walks past a room where a man is vigorously masturbating nonstop.
The intern asks the doctor he is with why that man was doing such a thing out in
the open. The doctor answers, Oh, he has a medical condition where the sperm
builds up so quickly in his body he has to masturbate constantly or he will
explode. Oh, I see, says the intern.
They walk past another room where the intern sees a man laying on a stretcher
getting a blow job from a nurse. Again, he asks the doctor, What is up with
THAT? The doctor says, Same condition, better medical plan.
A Man and His Wife Get Robbed
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been
sleeping in the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife,
bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy
hasn't seen a woman in years -- let alone one as beautiful as you. Just
cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go
along with it and pretend that you like it... Remember both of our lives depends
on it."
"Darling," whispered the wife, "I'm so relieved you feel that
way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice looking
butt."
A Young Man
A young man was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He
asked how often should you have it. His grandfather told him that when you first
get married, you want it all the time... and maybe do it several times a day.
Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get
older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky
to have it once a year... maybe on your anniversary.
The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and
Grandma now?"
His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now." "What's
oral sex?" the young fellow asked. "Well," Grandpa said,
"She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. And she
yells, 'Fuck You,' and I holler back, 'Fuck You too.'"
Mind Reading
The weather was very hot, so this man wanted desperately take a dip in the
nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but since he was all alone, he
didn't care. He undressed and got into the water.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto
the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a
bucket, which laid on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his
private parts and sighed with relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move.
Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read
minds."
"Impossible," said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I
think?"
"Yes," the lady replied, "I know that you think that the bucket
you're holding has a bottom in it."
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