A nun gets on a bus and sits behind the driver. She says to the bus driver she is very ill and wants to experience sex before she dies. The bus driver agrees to
accommodate her, but the nun explains that she can't have sex with anyone who is married as that would be a sin. The bus driver says No problem, he is not married. The nun says she also has to die a virgin, so she will have to take it in the ass. The bus driver agrees again. Being the only two on the bus, they go to the back of the bus and take care of business.
When they were done, and he had resumed driving, he said "Sister, I have a confession to make. I am married and have three children".
The nun replies: "That's okay. I have a confession too: My name is Dave, and I am on my way to a costume party".
This raggedy-assed old nun was walking home from the convent one day, when this man jumps out from the bushes and rapes her.
Then the man says, "What will you tell the Holy Father now, Sister?"
She says, "I must tell the truth! I will say I was walking home from the convent when a man jumped out from the bushes and raped me twice...unless you're tired."
Q: What kind of fun does a priest have?
A: None.
Q: How do you get rid of a nun's hiccups?
A: Tell her she's pregnant!
Q: What is the definition of suspicion?
A: A nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field.
Q: What is the definition of innocence?
A: A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.
Q: What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep?
A: A roaming catholic.
Q: What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A: A tran-sister.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy.
Q: What's black and white and red and has trouble getting through a revolving door?
A: A nun with a spear through her head!
Two nuns in a bath. The first one says, "Where's the soap." The second one replies "Yes it does, doesn't it." (Think about it!)
Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says "I've never come this way before." The second one replies, "It must be the cobbles."
Did you hear the one about the man who opened a dry-cleaning business next door to the convent? He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
Three nuns are walking down the street, when a man jumps out and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke, the second nun has a stroke, the third one didn't touch him.
There was this Irish nun sitting on the curb, sipping a bottle o' stout and obviously drunk out of her mind. The town constable walked up to her and said, "Sure, now sister Colleen, and why'd ya be doing a thing like this?" The sister replied, "Oh now, it's not fer me-self I done it sir. I done it fer the mother superior to cure her constipation."
The perplexed policeman looked askance at this and asked, "And how might it be that yer present state could have anything to do with the mother superior's constipation?" To which sister Colleen said, "When she sees me this way, she'll be shittin a brick."
A priest decides to pay a visit to a nearby convent. The convent is in a run-down neighborhood, and as the priest walks down the street several prostitutes approach and proposition him.
"Twenty bucks a trick!"
These solicitations embarrass the priest who lowers his head and hurries on until he gets to the convent.
Once inside he displays his naivety by asking the Mother Superior, "What is a trick?"
She answers, "Twenty bucks -- just like on the outside!"
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