What does a man consider to be quality time with his wife?
Pulling the sheets over her head and saying, "Great chili, Babe!"
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why are husbands like lawnmowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time!
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because they won't stop to ask for directions.
Why don't women have men's brains?
Because they don't have a penis to keep them in!
What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
They're usually intended for children, but it's the men who end up playing with them.
Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock!
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Why did God create a man before a women?
You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
|
