1
Woman: Help! Help! An Irishman tried to rape me!
Police Officer: How do you know he was Irish?
Woman: I had to help him.
2
Q. How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. One to screw it in and the other to shoot the witness.
3
The US is full of small towns. For those never having traveled to or lived in one, the following will illustrate pretty much what life's like there.
My hometown was so small, the clinic was called Joe's Hospital and Grill
My hometown was so small, long distance calls are delayed when the area code is busy
My hometown was so small, the town Lady of the Evening stands under a flashlight
My hometown was so small, in order to paint traffic lines, the road had to be widened
My hometown was so small, instead of hoses, the Fire Department uses water pistols
My hometown was so small, you had to make a reservation to use the parking meter
My hometown was so small, during snowstorms, salt was spread using a salad shooter
My hometown was so small, the local Motel 6 sleeps six
My hometown was so small, during a boxing match, both men have to sit in the same corner
My hometown was so small, the class valedictorian had both the highest & lowest averages
My hometown was so small, the Mayor was also the Sheriff, Town Council & street sweeper
My hometown was so small, we had no porn movie house; once a week someone left the shades up
My hometown was so small, the municipal water system's pump was supplied by Water Pik
My hometown was so small, before you visited, you could look out a window & see who was home
My hometown was so small, there was no town idiot -- everybody had to take turns
4
Two polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding..."I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not."
His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"
5
Q. Why do hillbilly guys go to family reunions?
A. To pick up chicks.
6
Q. Why do Italian men have mustaches?
A. So they can look like their mothers.
7
Q. Why Wasn't Christ Born In Mexico?
A. Because They Couldn't Find Three Wise Men And A Virgin.
8
Q. Why are they using Mexicans instead of laboratory rats In experiments now?
A. Mexicans breed faster and you don't get so attached to them.
9
Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Mexican And An Ape.
A. A Retarded Ape.
10
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.
The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."
The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen-foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. "And I'm still here today."
The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with is penis.
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