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I'm an openly gay trailer-trash Mexican. How could they not
love me?
- Rudy Galindo
I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention - they tried to talk me into
it!
- Rodney Dangerfield
Hey, I don't get respect from anyone. Why, American Airlines, they thanked me
for flying United.
- Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said,
"There goes the neighborhood!"
- Rodney Dangerfield
I tellin' ya, I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene
yodel.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Last Christmas, I got no respect. In my stocking, I got an Odor-Eater.
- Rodney Dangerfield
A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I
went over. Nobody was home.
- Rodney Dangerfield
I could tell that my parents hated me; my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
- Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father,
"I'm very sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
- Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my
father. He said he wanted more proof.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Once, when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my
parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't
know kid, there are so many places they can hide."
- Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents send their kids out looking like me. Last year, one
kid tried to rip my face off! Now its different, when I answer the door the kids
hand me candy.
- Rodney Dangerfield
I went to see my doctor; "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the
mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know,
but your eyesight is perfect."
- Rodney Dangerfield
I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills, my doctor told me to
have a few drinks and get some rest.
- Rodney Dangerfield
I remember I was so depressed, I was going to jump out a window on the tenth
floor, so they sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."
- Rodney Dangerfield
For two hours some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
- Rodney Dangerfield
I met the Surgeon General. He offered me a cigarette!
- Rodney Dangerfield
I'm a bad lover. Once, I caught a Peeping Tom booing me.
- Rodney Dangerfield
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night, she used me to time an
egg.
- Rodney Dangerfield |
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