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For two people in a marriage to live together day after day
is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
- Bill Cosby
Marriage, as its veterans know well, is the continuous process of getting used
to things you hadn't expected.
- Tom Mullen
The middle years of marriage are the most crucial. In the early years, spouses
want each other and in late years, they need each other.
- Rebecca Tilly
The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much.
- Colin Chapman
When you see what some girls marry, you realize how much they must hate to work
for a living.
- Helen Rowland
What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries?
Mere killing would be too light.
- Mark Twain
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
- Woody Allen
My fianc?e and I are having a little disagreement. What I want is a big church
wedding with bridesmaids and flowers and a no expense spared reception; and what
he wants is to break off our engagement.
- Sally Poplin
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go
ahead, get married.
- Katherine Hepburn
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and
then marry him.
- Cher
Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we
love the ones we marry.
- Tom Mullen
Why do you think marriage is a bum deal, for you as a gay person?
- Ann Leslie
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a
little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the
wrong house, that's what it means.
- George Burns
My computer dating bureau came up with a perfect gentleman. Still, I've got
another three goes.
- Sally Poplin
Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it
rings.
Rita Rudner
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays
and the other who never forgets them.
- Ogden Nash
An open marriage is natures way of telling you that you need a divorce.
- Ann Landers
The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation
gives a husband time to hide his money.
- Johnny Carson
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations.
We're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
- Al Bundy
My wife is the sort of woman who gives necrophilia a bad name.
- Patrick Murray
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
- Groucho Marx
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry
The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be
married, and the married wish to be dead.
- Ann Landers
There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with
another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.
- Steve Martin
We've just marked our tenth wedding anniversary on the calendar and threw darts
at it.
- Phyllis Diller
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract; and then goes into it;
deserves all the consequences.
- Isadora Duncan
A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a
divorce.
- Don Quinn
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man
to a blind woman.
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And
the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.
- Yakov Smirnoff
Men and women, women and men. It will never work.
- Erica Jong
No man should marry before he has studied anatomy and dissected the body of a
woman.
- Honore de Balzac
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract; and then goes into it;
deserves all the consequences.
- Isadora Duncan
There is nothing like a good dose of another woman to make a man appreciate his
wife.
- Clare Boothe Luce
It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, he was a Klingon.
- Carol Leifer
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to
breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
My wife and I had words, but I never got to use mine.
- Fibber McGee
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
- Honore de Balzac
It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.
- Spike Milligan
The General was essentially a man of peace, except of course in his domestic
affairs.
- Oscar Wilde
What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm
home.
- Ken Hammond
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- G. K. Chesterton
It is a woman's business to get married as soon as possible, and a man?s to keep
unmarried as long as he can.
- George Bernard Shaw
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most
delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they
will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously
until death do them part.
- George Bernard Shaw
A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
- Helen Rowland
The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
- Honore de Balzac
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep
her.
- Sacha Guitry
She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds
one.
- Oscar Levant to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancee
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and
those inside desperate to get out.
- Montaigne
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't
face each other, but still they stay together.
- Hemant Joshi
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my
wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
- Joan Rivers.
I know nothing about sex because I was always married.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
An extravagance is anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife.
- Franklin Adams |
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