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A male gynaecologist is like an auto mechanic who never
owned a car.
- Carrie Snow
And Nathan, being sick, trusted not in the Lord, but sent for a physician; and
Nathan was gathered unto his fathers.
- Old Testament
Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may
live.
- Ambrose Bierce
Both the doctor and the Angel of Death kill - but the doctor charges a fee for
it.
- Ibn Zabara
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
- Benjamin Franklin
Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the
birds might eat them.
- Martin H. Fischer
He that sinneth before his Maker, let him fall into the hands of a physician.
- Ecclesiastes 38
I die by the help of too many physicians.
- Alexander the Great, on his deathbed
I firmly believe that if the whole materia medica could be sunk to the bottom of
the sea, it would be all the better for mankind, and all the worse for the
fishes.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
It was difficult for the Angel of Death to kill everybody in the whole world, so
he appointed doctors to assist him.
- Nahman of Bratzlav
Did you hear what the white rat said to the other white rat? 'I've got that
psychologist so well trained that every time I ring the bell he brings me
something to eat.'
- David Mercer
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
- Samuel Goldwyn
A psychiatrist is a man who goes to a strip club and watches the audience.
- Merv Stockwood
One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that
assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder
you have also lost your mind.
- Jean Kerr
Suicide is cheating the doctors out of a job.
- Josh Billings
Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm
supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
- Jan King
The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers merely rob you,
whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too.
- Anton Chekhov
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf
course.
- Groucho Marx
As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying,
'Relax, you're not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients', but the
another kept reminding me, 'Howard, you are a veterinarian!'
- Dick Wilson
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office
was full of portraits by Picasso.
- Rita Rudner
I have noticed that doctors who fail in the practice of medicine have a tendency
to seek one another's company and aid in consultation. A doctor who cannot take
out your appendix properly will recommend you to a doctor who will be unable to
remove your tonsils with success.
- Ernest Hemingway
One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a
doctor than from any human experience.
- Alice James
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- Erma Bombeck
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave
me six months more.
- Walter Matthau
I was under the care of a couple of medical students who couldn't diagnose a
decapitation.
- Jeffrey Bernard
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named
after me.
- Steve Martin
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the
disease.
- Voltaire |
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