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He was either a man of about a hundred and fifty who was rather young for his
years, or a man of about a hundred and ten who had been aged by trouble.
- P.G. Wodehouse
He is alive, but only in the sense that he can't be legally buried.
- Geoffrey Madan
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
- Bob Hope
Personally, I stay away from natural foods. At my age, I need all the
preservatives I can get.
- George Burns
Middle Age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
- Bob Hope
With new data, scientists have determined that the universe is 13 billion years
old. After hearing this, Strom Thurmond said, 'It kills me that I missed the
first half.'
- Conan O'Brien, on 100-year-old US Senator, Strom Thurmond
At 50 everyone has the face he deserves.
- George Orwell
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
When he was young, rainbows were in black and white.
When she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.
He's so old, his birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
When I told him to act his age, he died.
His birthday cake looks like a forest fire.
Hey, act your age - senile!
His social security number is 0000.0000.0001.
If you were any older, you'd be dead.
She has a personally autographed bible.
She has so many wrinkles, she has to screw her hat on.
You know that you're old when your wife says, "Lets go upstairs and make love,"
and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
You know that you're old when friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
when you're barefoot.
At your age, the porn you bring home is "Debby Does Dialysis".
I've seen stale raisins with less wrinkles.
It looks like the Wrinkle Fairy tap-danced on her face.
At your age, you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't
have to go along.
At her age, flowers scare her.
It takes you longer to rest than to get tired.
At your age, "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber
today.
YAt your age, "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
When he was in school, history was called current affairs.
You're so old, an "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
I told her to act her age, and she died.
It looks like the Wrinkle Fairy tap-danced on her face. |
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